exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize