i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
