i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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