me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
