So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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