she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
