I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
