I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
