a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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