i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
