just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
