Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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