Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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