Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
