Ambien. No doubt about it.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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