Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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