I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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