i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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