i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
