Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
