Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
