You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
