Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
