did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
