you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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