This girl is more easily done than said...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
