i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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