only if we run a train.
done.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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