i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
