pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
