We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
