I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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