i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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