but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize