I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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