this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
