Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
