I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
