$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I stole a fireplace last night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
