Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
why do cheetos always look like penises
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
