I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize