Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
