idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
