my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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