3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
