Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
