I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
