There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
