you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
