why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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