I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
