i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
