is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
