I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
