All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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