FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
