Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
