No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
