I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
