I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Randomize
