Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just want nice things and good sex
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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