All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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