I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
