Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
