We named our party play list daddy issues
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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