White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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