sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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