That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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