I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
